Ok, I don't get super-duper personal on this blog (outside of a struggle here and there coupled with me and hubby events) but for this one, I am. Father's Day was Sunday which is an AMAZING holiday. I think that fathers are so important and deserve a lot of respect. That being said, I never had one. Yes, I had my grandpa who we lived with (and I've never known a greater man) and I had some father-like mentors in my life but I never knew a man as "Dad". This is no pity party because I don't believe in that, but there are certain things that you just don't get when you don't grow up with a dad. There is a certain void in your heart that longs to be filled...the void where you remember how dad helped you learn how to ride a bike and how he would pick you up in his arms and everything scary would be gone. There is a level of security and confidence that having a (good) father can bring and it's a longer process for some of us who haven't experienced that to come by.
My mom was both mom and dad for me and she did an OVER-THE-TOP and amazing job! But, I kind of still wanted "Daddy". Growing up I have always heard that God is our Father and that He watches out for us in that way. That is true and wonderful, but when you don't even know what it's like to have a father, it's hard to relate to. As I've grown up, I have finally learned what it meant to have God be my Father, my Daddy. All that I have ever wanted in a Dad, I see evident in God through the bible. In Psalm 103 it says that God is merciful, compassionate, forgiving, redeeming, rich in love, slow to anger, and understanding.
Now pause. Aren't those the things we ALL long for in fathers?
I truly know that I have that in my God. So, long story short, on Father's Day while Toby was out of town, I spent it with God and boy was it great. In fact, I spent the whole weekend with Him, in His presence. I prayed, I read the bible, I worshiped, I just sat, and even did the normal things in life like washing clothes...but He was with me. I know I can't see Him, but truly I felt Him...and I know He's proud of me and that He is helping me to keep going and keep learning. In many ways, He kind of is teaching me how to ride a bike...that is, just live this life. I feel like I'm continually learning how to ride without training wheels and it's scary because I hate falling down. But, I know He is there behind me holding the handlebars and telling me "you can do it, sweetie". He will always watch over me (Psalm 121:7-8). I know I have not been perfect and have messed up more times than I can count, but as He told me through a song on Shabbat "whatever you do, don't stop trying, 'cause learning makes lots of mistakes."
This Father's Day was the best one I have ever celebrated, and I will definitely be looking forward to celebrating again with my amazing God.
Love you guys...Texas trip pics are coming soon!