Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Atonement

     No, I am not talking about the incredibly depressing,early WWII era movie, haha. I'm talking about ACTUAL atonement. Yom Kippur (or the day of atonement) is coming up soon...this Friday night and Saturday actually, and as with any of G-D'S appointed times, He makes it special and intense. Each year the high holy days come around I (as well as many others I know) experience some sort of trial or test leading up to the day. I hate it, but it's G-D's way of preparing our hearts and let's face it, unless there is a discontent of where you are at, you'll never want to move forward. For me, that definitely happened this year.
     I have always had trouble with acid reflux and it's always been a pain in the butt, but something totally snapped in me in August and it was worse than it's ever been. Anything I ate made me have terrible heartburn and nausea and I couldn't sleep because it would flare up in the middle of the night. I took Prevacid. It made me light-headed and dizzy. I went to the doctor and got Nexium. It didn't work. I took Omeprazole and it helped, but I was still miserable. This went on for about 2 months. It was really horrible. I prayed, I sought the L-RD, begged for healing, asked if I had done anything or if this was just a trial. G-D stayed quiet until literally this week. He revealed to me that I wasn't seeking HIM for deliverance. Medicine and herbal remedies yes, but His healing, no. So I asked Toby to start anointing me and praying over me at night, so that I could get some sleep. I was truly believing for healing, and even if it didn't come right away, I could feel His purpose rising. So we prayed, and that night and every night since I have slept soundly and the pain has gone almost completely away.
     The L-RD used what I struggle with, a fear of serious illness, to sharpen me and purify me just a bit more than before. When I get sick, I genuinely have to wrestle with my head to not think I have something serious. It's just something that I grapple with. But, the L-RD doesn't remove your fear because you are afraid. He brings your fears into your face to fight them because you're afraid. It's kind of like the kid that is afraid of a monster in his closet. He'll stay up all night fretting and fussing over the hairy, many-eyed, evil creature that he believes is lurking in his closet. So what do mom and dad do? They come in and do the unthinkable; they open the closet door  and reveal that the only thing to fear was what he created in his mind. That's the story with most of us. G-D, our sweet daddy, has to open up the closet door sometimes and SHOW US that there is nothing to fear. Do you really think your heavenly Father would let something like that sneak into your room without Him knowing? No. Our trials sometimes feel like the L-RD abandoning us, but really, He is just in the process of opening up the closet door to make us face our fear. Our G-D always dispels the nightmare and always rocks us back to sleep.
    Long story short, Yom Kippur is a time of asking G-D to search our hearts and get out whatever is not of Him. He is purifying His people because He is coming back for us to establish His kingdom. Now is the time to listen to His voice and turn your heart toward Him. You can never be too serious about G-D. You can never get enough of Him, and thankfully, there is more than enough to go around :)

     Keep your head up and enjoy the day! G-D is good!

B

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